He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
