On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
