...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
