You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize