So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
