Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
