dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
