you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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