What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
