I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize