it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
