You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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