I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
