he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
