I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
