The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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