margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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