its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
