She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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