Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
