it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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