Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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