AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
