He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
