If i come over, it means nothing
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
