As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
