Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
