Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
