he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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