i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
