I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
