hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
