you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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