every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
