Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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