Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
