i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
