My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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