Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
