some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
