So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
