my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
