He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
