Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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