I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
