Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
