So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
