New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
