Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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