In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
