yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm always down for nudity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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