Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
