I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
