Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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