I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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