that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
