there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize