yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
