Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
