i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
