there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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