wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
