trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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