One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
