I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
