Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
