Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
