Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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