so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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