you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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