they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
