I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
