There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They have beer where we have blood.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
